Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Open letter to the Post Master General

Dear Sir or Madam,

In the 7 years I have lived here in Albuquerque(not counting the "dark year") I have had more than my fair share of postal mishaps. I love the post office. They bring me lovely packages from friends and family. They bring me wonderful circulars. I don't even mind the occasional bill. But really, my experiences here have SUCKED.

First, when I moved here I lived in an apartment, and changed units in the same complex. Now, my former married name was a common name with a different spelling. When we changed units, I did the change of address form that your office so courteously hands out. Wouldn't you know it, there was another guy in the complex with the same last name (different spelling) and the same first initial as dumb ass. So we started getting his mail. Now obviously, this isn't your fault, who am I to assume that if two guys have completely different FIRST names and same last names but different spellings that their mail would NOT be confused. So I straightened that out. Then we bought the house. Damn mail followed me there. So I went TO the post office and got it fixed. No more problem, right? Wrong, because some of his mail had "address correction requested" on it, the senders got our address. So we were getting his mail at our house. Then we moved to Chicago, fucking followed us there, too. Poor guy probably had his cell phone turned off and credit cards declined since in your infinite wisdom you decided that Bill Smith and Bob Smythe (not real names) were obviously the same person. I could see how you could be confused, what with the different spellings and all.

Then we move back and things seem to be ok.

Then I divorce. I very clearly fill out the INDIVIDUAL change of address form. I start getting my mail and dumbasses as the new place. Again, obviously, it is asking too much for me to assume that your fine devilvery people can tell the difference between Emilee FAMILYNAME TAKENBACK and Bob Smythe. So I write, "Forward order was for FIRSTNAME LASTNAME ONLY! Please read forward order and return this mail to dumbassesnameathisaddress." That seemed to get my point across.

Then I moved. Clearly, the problem is mine. For surely if I didn't move so often this wouldn't happen.

The previous tenants of our house did their forward order, and fortunately for them and us, there names are in no way similar to mine and KM's. Not even the same initials. This forward order worked great. Except on Fridays on Saturday when apparently your fine delivery person felt it was better to knock the route short in order to get home. So their mail NEVER forwarded on Fridays and Saturdays. Because of my great frustration, I chose NOT to go to the post office and inquire as to when you would be having the cranial rectal reversal you so desperately need. Instead, I wrote, "NO LONGER LIVES HERE, PLEASE READ FORWARD ORDER." Please note, this was all first class mail that should have been forwarded as it had not been a year since their departure.

Then we moved again and things seemed to be ok. Although often on Fridays and Saturdays we wouldn't get mail. But I thought that maybe the poor post man needed a break which is why he spent 3 hours at the corner convenience store reading the paper. It must be tiring riding around in a little jeep all day and taking 3 hour lunches. Yes, I timed it.

Then we moved. Again, I apologize because obviously me filling out new key requests TWICE and "PLEASE HOLD MAIL" requests THREE GOD DAMN FUCKING TIMES is not enough for you to get the point.

That's right sir (or madam). I called to find out what I needed to do. The nice person on the phone at the post office for my zip code assured me that HE would fill out the hold order and put in the key request. So I, silly me, trusted the USPS. Obviously, my mistake.

I went to pick up the mail last week and there were a few things. Apparently me picking up vital mail, like KM's unemployment check, threw the whole system off. So when I went this weekend, there was no mail. Or the package I am expecting that says on the USPS system is SITTING at the post office. The woman tells me to fill out another hold request. So I do.

I go there yesterday. Guess what. Your great staff has managed to lose not only my SECOND hold request, but also my new key request. So I fill out both, again.

So today I call to find out if these things are being taken care of. Your fine "Hi, thanks for calling the Postal Service Annex, where customer service comes first, this is xxxxx how can I help you??" person answers. I explain the situation. He tells me that the PERSON who changes the locks has been on vacation for 2 weeks. Now, I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but have you considered having a back-up? I'm not allowed to leave for 2 weeks without a backup. But mister-customer-service-comes-first tells me he's not sure what the status is, but he'll call me back in 15 minutes. That was an hour ago.

So, now, you get to deal with my husband when he comes in to HOPEFULLY pick up his unemployment check. If it's not there and the delivery person is carrying it around for the hell of it, please know that we may not have gas or food. But hey, as long as you guys get your 3 hour lunch break and early days, no big deal, right?

I know this is all my fault, because after all, if I didn't move so much and make your post offices work so much harder, this wouldn't be happening. And who am I to expect the postman to be LITERATE and actually do their job.

And for this, you want to keep raising postal rates. Perhaps if you worked smarter and not make your customers do your job for you, you could save a few pennies.

That is all. Sincerely, Emilee, an extremely pissed off postal patron who is waiting for not only vital money to feed her family but also a fun secret pal box.

*Please note, I don't hate all postmen or even the postal service. I apologize to any readers who are or are related to postal people. But I've had it with the illiterate numb nuts out here.


Breien in Lansingerland said...

Oh my! Sounds like the post services does not differ; which continent you are...(here it is the same mess)

Meg said...

In Australia we get to pay for the privilege of having our mail forwarded...and the service is only marginally better. So take heart that at least you haven't paid for this treatment (other than via your taxes)?! (or does that make it worse?)